Self-Image
by Nijii-chan
Summary: Romano views himself as an ugly closet-cased hermit. He decided to change the ugly and hermit thing with the help of his brother, Feliciano, and his cousin, Francis. When he meets a certain Spaniard, he's having troubles 'coming out of the closet' because of his insecurities.
1. Chapter 1

Romano has a younger brother named Feliciano; his brother was greatly influenced from their grandfather. He was taught about arts, music, flirting, and everything there is. Romano was only taught how to flirt because that's the only thing he can do. His brother is the perfect man to be with. He's nice to everyone he meets and a handsome man; you would fall over heels on him once you see him.

Romano lived his life as an ugly 19 year old hermit. He's unemployed, he's a dropout and he never really cared of his appearance. So if you see him right now, he's an 'ugly' motherfucker.

He wasn't THAT ugly before, when he and his brother were kids, they were called cute a lot of times but they still prefer over Feliciano though. He decided to not care of his appearance, he's not worried about not finding a woman to marry with because his grandpa can get one for him.

Wondering what he looks like now? Well, let me tell you, he looks like a homeless fucker. He hasn't shaved for months and pimples kept sprouting on his face. His hair grew right above his shoulders, it was frizzy and unmanageable. He gained a few pounds than before because he only eats pasta and pizza, those two are like his wives, and he will never leave them. He's practically married to them.

His little brother tried to help him with his appearance but he's a stubborn type of person so he told him to fuck off all the time so his brother decided to leave Romano alone. Feliciano is always a nice guy and a flamboyant one at that. Romano gives him credit to be able to flirt with girls without letting them think there's a possibility he's gay.

No one knows if Feliciano is gay or not, even Romano, but one thing for sure is that Romano is the gay one between them. He's a closet case; he never admits that he's gay to anyone. He did went out with some girls before he became 'ugly' but he just couldn't get it up until he met this man with such self-confidence and arrogance. Romano was turned on and the more he expose himself with men the more he gets turned on, he found out he was gay.

That's one of the reasons why he decided to be a hermit.

Another reason?

Well, everyone hates him.

Everyone couldn't tolerate his attitude. He yells at you, calls you name, he hits you anywhere as he pleases, he doesn't care of your feelings, and the man has a temper that can surpass a woman on her period. Some wonders how Feliciano tolerates his attitude.

Romano didn't want to handle with anyone anymore. He shut himself from society and since he will never go out, he won't care what he looks like anymore.

Screw life, screw society.

Those were his inspirational words he will always think of.

* * *

One day, Feliciano came home with a fashion magazine in his hands. Romano was doing his usual stuff; eating pizza and surfing through the net. His hair is a mess, his face is dirty and he even got pizza sauce on his shirt.

"Romano, look! It's big brother Francis in the magazine!" Feliciano opened the magazine and showed Romano the page.

Francis was their cousin, he was a handsome man, an understanding person that acts like a father but prefers to be called 'big brother' because it makes him feel younger. Although he can be perverted, he still has his reasons. Beauty runs in their family but apparently Romano doesn't see that beauty in him.

"Go away, Feli" Romano shooed Feliciano, he was still eating the pizza slice in his hand. Some melted cheese fell on his pants. Feliciano looked at the sight and was disgusted.

Looking around Romano's room, it was a total mess. Feliciano's room wasn't as messy as this. There was pizza boxes everywhere, some food left lying there, clothes are all over the place. Romano's room smelt awful and Feliciano covered his nose. He swore to himself that he would clean Romano's room.

Sadly, Romano was a hoarder. He doesn't like to throw things out because he finds them significant even though it's not. Feliciano has to deal with the messy room and Romano's attitude.

Feliciano sighed, "You can't keep this up, big brother"

Feliciano left the magazine on Romano's desk and went to the living room. Romano didn't look up; he was so busy checking out funny videos. Feliciano thought if Romano looked at the magazine where Francis is there, it might give Romano an inspiration to change but it didn't work. Feliciano did the same thing ever since Romano became like this.

Romano got up from his computer; he almost lost balance until he grabbed hold onto the desk, he saw the magazine. Realizing that it was the same magazine that Feliciano always show to him, he quickly skimmed through the pages to find someone.

A model he admires.

Seeing that model really turns him on, he would even jack off sometimes.

_There he is!_

Romano stared at the picture of the model; it was a full body shot. He looked at the eyes of the man, imagining that he was there in front of him; he began tracing his fingers on the picture of the man, from the neck down to the pelvis until someone barges in his room.

"How's my beloved little cousin- Romano!"

It was their cousin, Francis. The man leaped off his feet to hug Romano but he stopped when he sees Romano's fingers were pointing at the model until he hid the magazine behind his back. Francis simply grinned at the sight but he wasn't pleased with the sight and smell of Romano's room.

Francis pinched his nose to block the smell, "What is that smell?"

"Last week's pizza"

Francis made an imitating sound of vomiting and he made a light chuckle, "Ah, Romano. Do you really plan to keep things up like this?"

Romano kept hearing the same words from Feliciano, Francis and his grandpa but he never budged. He never listened to them. Romano was born stubborn and he will keep up with the tough guy act as well.

Until one time, Francis brought his friend named Gilbert over, at their place. Francis thought that maybe bringing someone new might make Romano feel self-conscious. Seeing the friend that Francis brought really made him self-conscious. Gilbert kept saying that he's awesome and calling others they aren't. Okay, I'll get it straight for you, Romano was gay for him.

He always liked people with this amazing self-confidence. He wondered why, even his ex-boyfriend was like that. Except of saying awesome, he just kept saying he's the hero.

It must be because he doesn't have much self-confidence in him.

Anyways, Romano couldn't go out from his room looking like shit so he stayed there all the time, hidden, until Gilbert leaves. He can remember Gilbert saying that Feliciano is so cute and adorable so that made Romano stare at the mirror a lot and Francis just had to come in his room, seeing him stare at the mirror.

Romano stumbled; he quickly got up and pretended he didn't stumble as he fixes his clothes, "What?"

"Want me to fix your hair?"

Glancing at the mirror, Romano can see his reflection. Indeed, his hair has gotten longer and it was a mess. Francis just offered something Romano needed.

He grumbled as he nodded, admitting in defeat.

As Francis gave Romano a haircut, he immediately thought that maybe Romano saw Gilbert and was attracted to him. _Ah, a crush can indeed change a person._ Yes, Francis knew that Romano was a closet case because he's that good at knowing someone's sexuality aside from love, even Feliciano, he found out because he saw Romano secretly dating a man.

Feliciano came in Romano's room, holding up a broom, "Ah! _Fratello_! You're getting a hair cut?"

"Yes, he is~" Francis replied for Romano, he carefully cut the right side of Romano's hair because his precious curl is located right there and he doesn't want to cut that for sure.

"I'm gonna clean your room, okay, _fratello_?"

"Mmm"

After Francis finished the haircut, Feliciano proceeded to cleaning. Thinking deeply about the friend that Francis brought in, he fidgets in his seat.

"I think I'm ready"

Feliciano paused his cleaning and stared at his brother, "For what?"

"To change, dammit"

"Change clothes?"

Romano smacked his forehead and Francis lets out a deep sigh.

"You mean to change your life?" Francis spoke.

"Yeah, bitch"

Feliciano perked up, "Oh! Oh! Big brother Francis and I will help you with that!"

"Nothing beats anything as long it's family" Francis puffed.

"I can even ask a friend for help with your weight, _fratello_!"

"My Wha-?"

* * *

First Step;

Romano was outside of their house, the sun was hot and he was already sweating without doing a thing. He wore his jersey for today's exercise. Feliciano has a friend named Ludwig; he will be the one supervising Romano's weight, the man is a strict fellow.

"Alright, let's begin with the laps" Ludwig spoke out with that thick German accent of his and began jogging.

Romano jogged behind the German in a slow manner that doesn't look like jogging at all. Feliciano was beside him because his brother doesn't want to do the exercise alone since he finds it embarrassing when people are staring.

"Romano! That pace won't do! If you don't properly finish your laps you won't get to eat your lunch!"

Romano quickly sweep his feet as fast as he can and his brother followed along his pace.

"_Amazing, just with the sound of having food—he quickly reacts with it" _Ludwig thought.

After the exercise, as Ludwig promised, Romano will get to eat his lunch. Grabbing a box of pizza, he quickly opened it with his mouth all watery.

Ludwig snatched the box of pizza from Romano, "You are not allowed to eat pizza"

Romano showed Ludwig some lasagna, "What the hell? What about lasagna?"

"No, unless you like to die early"

The Italian quickly showed the German some pasta.

"Pasta? Please not my fucking pasta!"

"No, you're taunting me to kill you" Ludwig didn't blink, his arms were crossed and his eyes were glaring.

Some other day in the morning, Romano was sleeping soundly until Ludwig smashed the door out of anger.

"Romano! You are late for the exercise!"

Seeing the Italian sleeping soundly on his bed, Ludwig sat on a chair near him. He glared at the man and he spoke in a deep and scary voice, "I once killed a man with a grape and his mustache"

"Ahh! Fuck it, buttholes! I'm up! I'm fucking up!"

* * *

Next step;

Romano was never fond of shaving, he never did because he never bothered to pick up a razor and shave off some hair on his chin but he has a cousin to help him do that for him.

Francis was readying some materials on the table while Romano was sitting comfortably on a chair with eyes closed.

Francis began brushing Romano's little grown mustache with his fingers, "I always knew you wanted to look like big brother"

"Get on with the waxing, pervert"

Francis shrugged and began putting on the wax on Romano's mustache. Waiting for a while, he quickly pulled it out causing the Italian to scream in pain.

Now that Romano's mustache is gone and honestly, he enjoyed stroking his bushy mustache because he felt pure Italian but he knew he looked stupid with it anyway. It was Feliciano's turn to fix up Romano's acne problem.

Feliciano came in and brought a box along with him, "And now, let's fix your break outs, shall we _fratello_?"

"Get on with it, _idiota_" Romano sat on a chair and crossed his arms "I want all my fucking zits gone"

"You know it takes days or weeks for a serious break out like this to be gone"

"FUCKING. DO. IT"

* * *

After two months, Romano lost a few pounds and he has fewer blemishes on his face. He looked a bit better than before. He kept staring at the bathroom's mirror, looking at himself in different angles. He smiled and he felt a bit…less 'ugly'.

During dinner, Feliciano served him a salad.

"Eat pasta, Feli" Romano said.

"But- you don't get to eat pasta and if I did then you'll crave for it"

"It's called challenging myself, _idiota_. If I don't get use to seeing someone eating my favorite food then I'll definitely crave for it even more"

Feliciano made some pasta for himself and began eating it. Romano's mouth watered, he felt jealous because he saw his 'wife' cheating with his brother, being 'eaten' by his brother. He gulped and ate his salad as he imagined it to be pasta or pizza.

"Why'd you suddenly decided you wanted to change, big brother?"

Romano snapped from his imagination, "Well, I don't want to look like shit all the time"

"Was it because of big brother Gilbert?"

"Fuck no!" the feisty Italian slammed his fork on the table with a heavy blush on his face.

"You know, if you went out with him, I think it might end up just like Alfred"

Ah- Alfred, Romano's ex-boyfriend. His first boyfriend that made him know that he was gay. Alfred was a nice guy with a hero complex; he always wanted to impress Romano that he can save anyone who was in danger.

However, Alfred wasn't used to Romano's nasty attitude and that made Alfred distant himself from him. It's like having your girlfriend on their period, so Alfred did that. The more they become distant the more Romano felt lonely. Even though Romano felt lonely, he never found someone to make him feel better but Alfred did. He found someone to fall in love with and he broke off with Romano. Alfred found a new boyfriend named Arthur and Romano swore to himself that Arthur is just like him, minus the cussing, a man on his period.

"Who knows, maybe he's different" Romano said.

Feliciano shook his head, "I think you should find someone who's immune to your attitude"

"You?"

"Besides me"

"Francis?"

"Besides relatives, big brother"

"Myself?"

"Besides _you _and relatives"

"None"

Romano looked down on his salad. Was his hard work all for nothing? He felt glum and he felt stupid. He just saw Gilbert, have a slight crush on him and decided to change out of a whim. It was stupid.

"Don't think like that when you haven't found them yet!" Feliciano said.

"Then the hard work wasn't for nothing?"

Feliciano gobbled on his pasta "No~ Of course not! You have to look your best for your fated person!" _chew chew,_ "It doesn't matter if you have a few pimples here and there, and being a bit flabby- as long you look good and you're at your best!"

Romano nodded.

"When someone's in love they're blinded but when they aren't, they judge you first by appearance- so you have to be prepared"

"To look my best?"

"Si"

"That's shallow"

"Because of the thing called 'first impression' and you look at people based on their face first!"

Romano pondered on his brother's words. He _might _be right because not everyone is like that, right? Well, he did look a bit shady before so maybe that's why people are avoiding him.

He decided to fix his appearance properly with the help of his brother. Maybe one day he'll find that person who's immune to his nasty attitude and someone to fall in love too.

He'll boost his self-confidence and he will find a job to change his life once and for all. No more 19 year old 'ugly' hermit Romano that relies on his younger brother. No more useless Romano because he decided to change and he is determined now.


	2. Chapter 2

Ever since he was 19, Romano decided to change himself; to look his best. Right now, he's 22 with a job at a flower shop. He has this ritual in his everyday life. When he wakes up, he fixes his bed and head to the shower. After showering, he would put on some decent clothes and check himself in the mirror, reciting "you're handsome" five times as he fixes his hair. Thanks to his cousin, Francis, his hair is now healthy and manageable.

His breakfast would be served by his brother. Feliciano would make healthy foods for him, whenever Romano craves for pizza or pasta, he would just munch on to tomatoes. His lunch would be prepared by his brother, again, to avoid any unnecessary binge eating whenever he eats lunch at work. At night, whenever he watches television, he would watch the show as he march or jog in place. Whenever he gets bored, he would do 50 crunches or 100 jumping jacks. He would rest for a while before using the internet, of course.

He sometimes asks help from Feliciano or Francis regarding his hair or when he has a sudden acne break out. Romano was indeed maintaining his appearance.

Remember his little crush on Gilbert? Well, at the age of 20, they started dating but it didn't last long because Romano broke it off. He was starting to feel insecure around Gilbert since he keeps saying he's awesome or much more handsome. A lousy excuse, I know, but it can't be help since Romano used to live his life as an ugly hermit and his self-esteem is pretty low and he's still working on that.

* * *

Romano was on his way to work, jogging. He didn't break a sweat since he's used to that routine now, unless he exerts himself. Arriving to his destination, he recites in his mind "you can do this" ten times before entering.

"Ah! There you are- great timing!" his boss caught his attention.

Romano's boss is a beautiful lady with a flower placed on her long wavy hair. She's big busted which is a plus on her beauty for men. She was indeed a young beauty. Her name was Elizabeta and she was an understanding woman and she's one of the few people to know that Romano's a closet case.

Romano looked at Elizabeta and he also spotted someone next to her. He was also a beauty with clear emerald eyes that stands out. He has curly brown hair and his skin is lightly tanned. He was a Spanish man.

"_Hola_! My name's Antonio! I'll be working here from now on!" the Spaniard took Romano's hand and shook it.

Romano was stunned by his beauty, he looked perfect. He felt envious of the man's appearance. He can't work next to a good looking person because people might compare them both! Surely people will say that the Spaniard's hotter.

"R-r-r-"

"Hmm?"

"R-R-Rom-"

"Rome?"

"Romano, dammit!"

Antonio laughed out loud that tears could be seen, "Oh! I almost thought it's Rome or Romance~"

Without making a snarly face, Romano simply blushed. His face reddened out of embarrassment. He never met anyone like him. Well maybe that's because he rarely goes outside but the people he mostly meet are always self-confident, flamboyant or assholes.

This guy's different.

He didn't say anything about Romano's bad language but instead he says something about his face.

"Whoa! I've never seen someone blush like that! You're so cute, Romano!"

Someone called him cute. Not to Feliciano but to him. That made Romano's face even redder, his lips were quivering. He was flattered but then he thought, _once he meets Feliciano; he'll definitely say Feliciano's cuter_.

"Shut the fuck up,_ bastardo_! Don't call me fucking cute!" giving the Spaniard one of his deadly head butts, Elizabeta quickly rushed over them to remind them that it's time to work.

* * *

Normally, once people meet someone handsome or beautiful, they would fall in love instantly but to Romano he would mostly fall in love on what turns him on. Like when he first saw Alfred or Gilbert, he never bothered to look at their faces but their attitude. Their confidence turns him on but Antonio doesn't have this measly annoying confidence in him. He just had his looks and that didn't turn Romano on.

But something's special in this man.

The more he's with Antonio; the more he didn't feel insecure standing next to him anymore. Sure, he can look hot while holding up a bouquet of roses while Romano would just look normal. Romano finds it normal now, not a competition for looks, like he had with his brother, even though Feliciano isn't aware of Romano's competitiveness against him.

Antonio would always tell him that Romano's face would go bright red and he loves it because he would look like a tomato which to Antonio's dismay, instead of receiving a thank you as a response, he would receive a head butt instead.

To Romano, it's like having a less perverted Francis next to him. It was weird but it was better that way, maybe.

Maybe

On a regular day of work, Romano was arranging the freshly arrived roses while Antonio was handling the cash register. As soon as Romano finished his task he quickly went over the counter. Antonio kept staring at Romano going around in circles, doing all those work. Romano became self-conscious wondering why the Spaniard was staring.

Apparently Antonio was staring at Romano's neck.

It made Romano blushed of embarrassment, was there something on his neck? Is his neck really that horrible that you just have to silently stare at it?

"What?" Romano asked.

Antonio cleared his throat, "I was wondering if you get out often"

"Why would you wonder that kind of shit?" the Italian raised an eyebrow.

"Your tan lines aren't that visible"

That made Romano blush harder, who would look at another man's neck and ask him why he has no visible tan lines or if he gets out often, "None of your shit, bastard!"

That was definitely awkward for Romano and he will never look at Antonio the same way he did because of those creepy words.

* * *

One night, Romano was invited by Antonio for dinner. It was a normal fast food restaurant. Antonio thinks of it as a time to eat dinner with someone while Romano thinks it's a sad excuse of a date.

Romano didn't order any of those greasy shits; he just ordered a glass of water. He was afraid if he eats something oily, it'll cause another skin break out like when he was 19.

Antonio ordered a burger and a glass of coke; the Spaniard didn't mind any food as long as it's edible. Romano watched Antonio munching on his burger. It reminded him of his ex-boyfriend, Alfred. Alfred was an American and he loved eating burgers and drinking coke, it's like Romano loving his pizza and pasta.

"Why aren't you ordering anything aside from water?" Antonio asked.

Romano sets his glass down and sighed, "Those shits makes you fucking fat"

Antonio smiled and nodded, saying that he understands, "Oh, diet! I see-"

Romano stuttered as he blushed, not knowing what to say. Well, that was spot on Antonio; you just made an Italian blush tonight.

"I-I'm not on a diet! I j-just heard it's bad for you!"

"But you said 'it makes you fat'" the Spaniard sipped on his coke, "I've never met a man on a diet"

Romano avoided his gaze from Antonio. He slowly drank his water until he empties it out.

"Are you gay, Romano?"

Romano choked on his drink, eyes wide open. How can this idiot that Romano rarely knows say that?

"No! Why would you think of that?"

"I don't know…a feeling" the Spaniard shrugged and let out a sigh, "but if you _are _gay then I have to let you know I'm bi"

Romano couldn't believe what he was hearing! Someone was 'flirting' with him and even told him their sexuality, not that he cares but still!

The Italian smacked his cheek to turn him back to reality, "What do you mean 'a feeling'?"

"You know how gay or bi people are! I don't even know it myself"

"Are you saying you have a gaydar or something?" Romano raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat

"Maybe!" Antonio laughed and nodded, "Maybe you're right, Roma!"

Rolling his eyes, Romano stared at his laughing companion. He was thinking to himself that this man was an idiot and doesn't know what he was thinking.

_Maybe_, right now, Antonio _is_ thinking that since he 'rarely goes out', he views Romano as a gullible, shy yet stubborn young man. He can use his charms to make a man turn 'gay' and make fun of him right away. Humiliate him until he turns back to being a hermit.

Romano cringed on the thought, _no- this man's an idiot._

Romano quickly stood up and his chair made an awful screeching sound that Antonio stopped laughing and had to cover his ears.

"What's wrong, Roma?"

"I…I gotta go"

Romano was indeed bothered by his own thoughts.

* * *

The next day, Romano was working at the flower shop and ignores Antonio. I mean, it's really awkward because Antonio has suspicions that the Italian might be a dee-wee-dle-gay. It can't be help though, since the poor boy's a closet case.

A customer came in to the shop, Romano went to the customer to greet him but he was shock instead.

It was his ex-boyfriend, Alfred.

"Whoa! Romano dude! I never thought I'd meet you here!"

"Wh-why are you here?" Romano stuttered.

Alfred didn't answer but he looked around, Antonio popped up next to Alfred to help him pick the flowers he liked. Romano just stood there, speechless, not attending to some of their customers.

Elizabeta noticed this so she decided to not complain about Romano's performance today.

Alfred tapped on to Romano's shoulder and that made the Italian quiver. Romano turned to face Alfred, who was now holding a bouquet of flowers.

Alfred cleared his throat, "Look…uhm…Romano, I'm sorry I broke things off with you so…here" Alfred handed the other boy the bouquet.

Romano's hands were shaking as he received the bouquet, his eyes felt heavy, "Why now?"

"Er…Arthur told me it's not nice to…not say sorry after a breakup" Alfred covered his face, hiding the shame and embarrassment from his ex.

Romano sucked in some air, finding his composure, "That bastard. Look Alfred, I don't care about that stupid break up-"

The young American removed his hands off his face, "No, you _do _care, Romano. I've dated you and I _know _you"

Romano felt a tingly sensation as Alfred brushed his cheeks. He felt his legs weak and he can tell that tears formed on the side of his eyes.

"See? A hero never leaves someone who's hurt" Alfred smiled sincerely to Romano.

The Italian wanted to cry on his ex's shoulder but he can't since he's taken and that might lead a lot of misunderstanding. He bit his lip and shut his eyes really tight as Alfred's hand slowly moved away from his face.

"Well you did. For many years you've left me and now you come to me when I'm fully healed! Get out Alfred Fuck Jones!"

"But Roma-", before Alfred could continue, an arm went pass through the two, cutting them off.

"Excuse me, sir. Since you have already purchased your bouquet please don't start an argument with one of our employees"

Alfred looked at the eyes of that person, it was Antonio. The Spaniard was smiling but his eyes weren't, that means he was faking it. Alfred decided not to provoke that person and he left while mumbling under his breath that he's a hero. Romano tried to wipe away some tears that tried to escape and went to the restroom to calm down, Antonio simply watched him with a worried look.

They resumed their work and pretended that nothing happened. Their boss, Elizabeta was relieved but she can't help but worry about Romano since an ex suddenly shows up and tried to say sorry; she had watch a lot of movies with hentai/porn to know how that feels. Antonio couldn't help but wonder as he steals glances of Romano, who seems to be all calm now. Antonio closed his eyes for a second and sighed, _as long as he's okay_.

It was time to close the shop and everyone was readying themselves to leave. Romano swung his bag behind him and walked out the shop, Antonio quickly went towards him. The Italian saw that and chose to ignore Antonio.

Antonio huffed and beamed a smile, "That was your ex-boyfriend, right? I knew it! You _are _gay!"

Romano stopped and his heart fell.

_Goddammit._


End file.
